createdestiny (createdestiny) wrote,

Smoking and Resentment

Oh Man, I want a cigarette sooo bad. I quit smoking 8 years ago, but being around my sister, who smokes, is really giving me cravings. I really don't want to cave in. But I want to, you know?

For dinner my mom made her old-fashioned macaroni and cheese and I made Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwiches. I used Morning Star Farms Vegetarian "bacon", which ROCKS, but my brother-in-law (who had eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as soon as he got home from work because he just "could not wait") stood there and criticized my cooking the whole time, which just made me want a cigarette THAT much more.

For a long time I've believed that cigarette smoking and resentment go hand in hand, one feeds the other. When I quit smoking 8 years ago it was bound up with a flood of heavenly grace that spontaneously welled up within me and inspired me to stop "hating" God and start forgiving others.

Now that resentment is welling up in me again, and of course I want a cigarette. God help me!

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