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Shroom Stump

It's been raining and somewhat balmy all week here in Chico. The excessive moisture and the warm air has caused a tree stump in our yard to sprout mushrooms. The same thing happened last year, but the boyfriend went out and chopped the mushrooms down with a shovel. When I found out what he had done, I was horrified. There were a lot of questions I needed to ask myself. What events had transpired in my life that led me shack up with a man who would do such a thing to innocent mushrooms? How could I share our pre-marital bed with this monster? Could I spend the rest of my life with someone who does not get how cool mushrooms are? I was lost and afraid. I called my best-friend and she was horrified, too. "Does he realize what he's done?" "I don't think so" I told her. After a prolonged period of soul-searching I decided to forgive him and give the relationship another chance. He doesn't even know that I came close to ditching his ass over some fungus in the yard. There are some things that are sacred and truths that are self-evident. The fucking sanctity of mushrooms is one of them.

He called me from work the other day, just to sweet talk. I screamed into the phone, "The mushrooms are back and if you chop them down this year I'm going to call the police!"


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 23rd, 2005 03:37 am (UTC)
Oh, that's nothing. I once had a significant other who would have dried the things out and tried to smoke them. He . . . uh . . . wait a sec . . . oh, right . . . that wasn't my significant other; that was me. Um, never mind. Cool mushrooms. ;-)
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 23rd, 2005 04:07 am (UTC)
Phhhht. Yeah.

Ummm. What the heck is up with that icon?
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 23rd, 2005 01:11 pm (UTC)
No, but still....
Dec. 23rd, 2005 04:45 am (UTC)
That's some gorgeous fungi.
Dec. 23rd, 2005 03:30 pm (UTC)
They're just mushrooms.
Some sort of mold.

When those things get really big and end up eating your cat, then you'll be sorry!
Dec. 23rd, 2005 06:23 pm (UTC)
wow they're so pretty!

but i hate the taste, and texture. yuck
Dec. 23rd, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC)
Those are some cool looking mushrooms!
Dec. 25th, 2005 01:21 pm (UTC)
Does he realize that the "shrooms" are but the reproductive apparatus of a much larger organism that is in the ground? And they do eat cats and other small mammals.
Dec. 26th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
Ewtotallygross. Mushrooms are gross. They are deceiving in that they may LOOK cool, but they are actually gross. Though I've never met a magic one. But they're fungus! Fungus grows between some people's toes! Yeack. And on cow poop! Gross!

Now let me give ya a warning. When I lived up the hill with Bug, we had a tree stump sprout mushrooms like that. It was nifty-ish, gross, but nifty. Well, the next time we saw them/it, it was a huge pile of brown porous slime! Like, the 'shrooms turned inside out or something (*gettingheebeegeebees*)! THEN! A couple days later...it was COVERED in maggots!! Waywayway not okay with us! Ewewew. Ew.

So that's what I think of now, when I see a gang of 'shrooms. Maggots. Call me racisit if you will...

The 'Shrooms in da 'hood might not eat your cat...but the Maggots will!!

You have been warned.
Dec. 26th, 2005 10:11 am (UTC)
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Mar. 26th, 2006 07:41 am (UTC)
Aw, shucks. Thanks.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )