createdestiny (createdestiny) wrote,
createdestiny
createdestiny

Cat Butt

I learned a lot this week. I learned that it's best not to have wet hands when scraping lint from the dryer's lint catcher. The lint will stick to your hands like stink on stink. Sure, you can always wipe your hands on the dog, but is this what Jesus would do? IS IT?!?! No, it is not. He would just go about his business with clobs of dryer lint stuck to his hands and the Jews would talk smack about him behind his back, saying, "Surely, this man is a whack-job freak-a-zoid robot and not the true Messiah." [Matt. 15:2] May God forgive us all.

I also learned that cats and dogs have anal glands. And sometimes these glands can become impacted. Can you say "impacted anal glands?" I knew that you could.

For several years the members of R.E.M. have wanted to name one of their albums, Cat Butt.

Again and again I begged the boyfriend to smell the cat's butt, but he refused. "It smells like poop!" I exclaimed. This situation forced me to go into a pet store where I stood boldly in the center aisle with my hands parked on my ample hips and without shame I shouted: "Do you guys have cat butt wipes?"

The answer was, "Um, sort-of."

And that's good enough for me. The cat, however, is on his own.
Tags: humor
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  • 18 comments

  • Sacrifice

    This sacrifice is brought to you by my father's sudden death on Feb. 18, 2012. Please, make it count.......

  • Twitterpated

    We were spinning wishes in the phases of the moon that night when our burdens dissolved into a pool of liquid mica. You said divine rebellion is in…

  • Some Assembly Required

    Since the dawn of the square root of pi, many couples have longed to count among their progeny a holy fool. Holy fools are widely revered in such…