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More Fun With my Friend and Co-worker From Mexico City---Azucena
The other morning Azucena says to me, "My mind is everywhere. I can't fuck us." So I'm like, "Whoa! What did you just say?!? And she repeats, "My mind is everywhere. I cannot fuck us!" And I say, "Oh, you mean 'focus'." And she says, "That's what I said, 'fuck us.' So I'm like, "No, Azu, it's pronounced 'FOH-CUSS', 'focus', like that." And she repeats slowly, "Fuuuck uuss." After several more attempts I finally just taught her how to say "concentrate" instead.

Demanding Little Furry Freaks...
Like clockwork, my cat Snickers wakes me up at 2:52 am every morning to feed her. She does this by clawing at my covers. I ignore her for as long as I possibly can because, hello?!? I'm trying to sleep here! Well this morning after her usual clawing-at-my-covers routine, she hauled off and bitch-slapped me across the face! I could not even believe it! It was as if she were saying, "I said get up and feed me NOW, Bitch!" The audacity of some cats! Of course I got up and fed her without even scolding her, because as I've said before, I'm pussy-whipped.

Choo-Choo Choosin' My Confessions...
I'm normally a high-brow literary type, you know, reading my Proust and Dostoyevsky and all. But, when I get pissed at the world and can't take it anymore, I head straight for the grocery store checkout lane and indulge in arm loads of deplorable, celebrity-watching type magazines. I'm talking "Us" magazine, "In Touch", "People" and even the occasional "Celebrity Hair Style" magazine.

These purchases are usually accompanied by a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice-cream. When I fall, I fall hard and there's usually chocolate and caramel involved. When I'm on the verge of going on a killing spree, the only thing that can calm me down is finding what Courtney Love is being arrested for now and what she was wearing when it happened.

Because of all the pictures of scantily-clad, celebrity chicks in these magazines, my boyfriend refers to these magazines as my "Lesbian Porn." Why he's always accusing me of being a lesbian is beyond me. Perhaps it's my infrequent leg-shaving or the fact that I often prefer to snuggle with my cat instead of him.

Having said that, imagine my surprise when he and I were at the park throwing the ball for his dog when he (the boyfriend, not the dog) starts talking about some actor guy named Montgomery Clift who starred in some classic western movie. I was only half paying attention when out of nowhere he says, and I quote, "If I were gay I'd probably lust after that Montgomery Clift guy because there's just something about him."

I screamed at the top of my lungs, "Oh my God! And you're always accusing me of being a lesbian!" We got in my van and drove away when we realized an entire soccer team had stopped playing and was staring at us.



( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 3rd, 2005 01:54 am (UTC)
a pint of Ben & Jerry's
having just finished a brownie with ice cream and chocolate sauce...
and seeing you were kind enough to add me, I added you back

and now I want some more chocolate...

maybe some chocolate pudding ... for dessert :)
Mar. 3rd, 2005 04:51 am (UTC)
LOL! Yeah but it's hard to fuck us if you can't focus.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
You've got a point there.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 05:09 am (UTC)
Montgomery Clift was one serious cool cat. You can read about him here.

The 'classic western movie' he was in was Red River. You should watch it. It was his first movie and the only movie of his I've ever seen.
Here is a photo of him in that movie. It doesn't really do him justice. There was something about his gestures and his movements. I like old Paul Newman movies too, especially Hud and Cool Hand Luke, but Monty beats out Paul for being cool on screen.

It's not that I lust after Montgomery Clift, I think it's more like... I want to hang out with him or something.

On top of that "Both The Clash and REM wrote songs about Monty. The Right Profile is a track on The Clash album London Calling while REM's Monty Got a Raw Deal is on Automatic for the People." The Clash and REM. Them's good bands to have singing about you.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC)
new friend
Hey! I really like your journal, can I add you?
Mar. 3rd, 2005 03:37 pm (UTC)
Re: new friend
Of course! I'll add you as well.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC)
Things in common
Yes, to chocolate and caramel. Yes, to being well read. Yes, to reading Heat magazine on the sly. Yes, to infrequent leg shaving. And Snickers is, i think, the best name for a cat i've ever heard.
Mar. 3rd, 2005 11:25 pm (UTC)
Re: Things in common
Thanks! I'm gonna add you.
Mar. 11th, 2005 05:53 am (UTC)
Re: Things in common
hey i thought this post was great!!! ... and i was typing in internet explorer bar livejournal.. at work.. and i your link popped up... so i checked it out..it would be rad if u could add me.. cuz i dig your writings... i love to write as well...
Mar. 11th, 2005 01:41 pm (UTC)
Re: Things in common
Holy Crap! Yeah, I'll add you. I heard a rumor that you're really weird and cool.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )