createdestiny (createdestiny) wrote,
createdestiny
createdestiny

Top Ten Most Psycho Things I've Ever Done

Ten
Stuck a butcher knife up my sister's doll's butt and poured Taco sauce all around it to make it look like blood (we were out of catsup). I did this to teach her that dolls are stupid. She never learned. Now she's stuck with a kid and another one's on the way.

Nine
Ate some Meow-Mix cat food and pretended like I was possessed by the devil in order to impress a boy I had a crush on. Apparently seven year-old boys don't go for this (or do they?). Instead I became known as the weird girl down the street who ate cat food. I still think this might be a good way to pick up guys.

Eight
Shoved a black, plastic spider into a jar of Miracle Whip and put it back on the grocery store shelf. I was in the fifth grade or something. It was before jars had tamper-evident seals. I've always wondered who ended up with that jar of Miracle Whip and what happened when they scooped out that fake spider.

Seven
Performed several unethical "experiments" on my dog when I was a kid, including but not limited to holding him down and squirting lemon juice in his mouth to see what would happen. The results were inconclusive. Rest in Peace, J.D. (+1989).

Six
Drew a smiley face on a Maxi-pad with some red food coloring and attached two (unused) tampons to the top of the pad to serve as ears. Stuck the Maxi-pad to my sister's boyfriend's car's windshield to let him know that I was serious when I said, "All my sister's new boyfriends must buy me a pizza or suffer the consequences."

Five
Smashed a framed picture of myself on the kitchen wall because my sister ate the last frozen burrito.

Four
Threw a rock through a boyfriend's bedroom window because he had some other chick up there. I later learned that I missed her head by a mere four inches.

Three
Flung a stapler at a co-worker's head because I asked him several times to please stop pointing a laser light at me and he wouldn't. He ducked just in time and the stapler smashed into a file cabinet right behind him. Cost of the stapler: $4.99. The look on his face: priceless.

Two
Somehow became convinced that my bi-polar neighbor had given crack to my cat so I threw a bunch of holy water on the cat to calm him down. Yes, this is the same cat who ran away a couple of months ago but I'm sure the two incidents are unrelated, so shut-up, okay?

The Number One Most Psycho Thing I've Ever Done
Trashed an ex-boyfriend's house by writing "POSER" all over his walls with a permanent black marker. Oh, and I peed on his floor. Relax people, he deserved it. Plus I'm on medication now.
Tags: humor
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