Until now, there has been no clear instruction on how a holy fool can be sprung from one's loins. But tiny, mystical Buddha's inhabiting the grains of sand on an unnamed beach in California have revealed in 18 easy steps how you too, can conceive a holy fool:
Step One - Fold concentric mandalas into your DNA.
Step Two - Apply swelling stars to the dough of your soul.
Step Three - Shake a bowl of protoplasm gently until it ripples out into infinity.
Step Four - Lamb yourself, thrice.
Step Five - Wrap six feathery sibyls with symbols of affliction until a butterfly is sacrificed to the monarch.
Step Six - Wait 750,000 years.
Step Seven - Attach the tokens of feckless ecstasy to the balanced spheres at each ledge.
Step Eight - Heap sunken languages into successive layers of kindness.
Step Nine - Tremble before God.
Step Ten - Kiss the Zohar deeply.
Step Eleven - Give yourself over to the heaving abstraction of melting cellos.
Step Twelve - Clump caged hermits into the fray and insert the sloshing continents into the implied syntax.
Step Thirteen - Collapse into yes.
Step Fourteen - Heave a horde of paleontologists into the dead emperor's tomb.
Step Fifteen - Pulse until the reckoning is blue.
Step Sixteen - Kenotically alter the course of the hushed resolve until catacombs emerge from the spiced marble.
Step Seventeen - Cleanse the sky with spruce fur.
Step Eighteen - Repeat step thirteen until gazelles appear on the extinct horizon.