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Catching the Bouquet

Yesterday, my new man-friend and I attended a wedding for a friend of his. It was an outdoor wedding, complete with a kilt-wearing bagpipe player. I got a little tipsy at the reception and a good time was had by all, or at least me anyway.

When the bride and groom were cutting the cake I just happened to be standing behind the bagpipe player so I took my camera and slyly pointed it up his kilt to document his undergarment situation, purely for historical reasons, you understand. Don't worry people! I chickened out because I knew the flash would get me busted. I didn't want to get kicked out of the reception until I had my fill of cake and wine so I wisely chickidy-checked myself before I rickidy-wrecked myself.

When the announcement was made for all the single women to assemble on the dance floor I knew it was bouquet catchin' time. I swaggered up to the center stage with one of those I'm-not-drunk-I'm-just-so-smooth saunters (you know what I'm talking about) and read the riot act to the other single women just in case they had any crazy ideas about getting between my liquored up self and that bouquet.

The competition was fierce. The bride was even intentionally trying to toss that bouquet into the hands of some relative-type chick, but fate, yes fate, intervened and bounced that bouquet right into my hands!

We barely escaped with our lives, chased out of town as we were by a lynch mob of enraged single women.

The bouquet doesn't lie folks! You're not invited, but send cash nonetheless!


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 3rd, 2004 04:55 pm (UTC)
Three cheers for the hyperbole queen!
Oct. 3rd, 2004 08:51 pm (UTC)
"the hyperbole queen"

I like that! Maybe it should be my lj subtitle...
Oct. 3rd, 2004 08:06 pm (UTC)
oh yes you would... but I'm still not sending you cash.
Oct. 3rd, 2004 08:53 pm (UTC)
I take checks, too.
Oct. 3rd, 2004 09:21 pm (UTC)
I knew I heard wedding bells eminating from the left coast."The bouquet does not lie."
Oct. 4th, 2004 07:40 am (UTC)
I know you would too. You probably turned the flash off and got the picture anyway. My checks are made of rubber though.
Oct. 4th, 2004 08:27 am (UTC)
What!? I would not take off my blouse no matter how many bouquets I caught!

I totally would have taken that picture if it were my friends who were getting married, but my boyfriend was the only person there that I knew.
Oct. 4th, 2004 09:55 am (UTC)
I would have protected you from his faux-Scottish rage.

Besides, it's when nobody knows you that you are supposed to do that kind of crazy stuff.
Oct. 3rd, 2004 11:27 pm (UTC)
And what did youknowwho say about the bouquet?
Oct. 4th, 2004 11:54 am (UTC)
We're not telling....

Oct. 4th, 2004 07:07 am (UTC)
I'm thinking you should have went ahead with the picture. I mean, they couldn't really kick you out, could they? Wouldn't everyone just laugh?

"I'm-not-drunk-I'm-just-so-smooth saunters (you know what I'm talking about)" That line is oh-so-smooth. I always find the way you talk/write/journal whatever entertaining, as it reminds me of me, with the added advantage of it not being me.
Oct. 4th, 2004 08:23 am (UTC)
Dude, I think you are a great writer as well. I'm sure you could find a place as a writer with all the film and music reviews that you do.

Plus, you're funny as hell sometimes. That ode to soy sauce was just classic! I'm sure you could read that at a poetry slam and bring down the house.
Oct. 4th, 2004 08:26 am (UTC)
I don't know that I have the personality for a poetry slam...too self-conscious to act that stuff out...I can only get excited and theatrical during karaoke when I'm plastered....

I think I only write the reviews for two reasons
a) so I remember what I thought of a movie 6 months later
b) it gives me the opportunity to make snarky, sarcastic, humorous commments about actors/acresses/musicians/directors/Hollywood cliches/whatever else crosses my mind.
Oct. 4th, 2004 08:29 am (UTC)
You can get plastered at poetry slams too, you know.
Oct. 4th, 2004 08:43 am (UTC)
I did NOT know that...
Oct. 4th, 2004 09:53 am (UTC)
I don't know what was so special about these flowers. I've given her flowers several times and she never posted about those.

I guess if you have to work for something (she was throwing elbows like Dennis Rodman in his heyday when she went up for that bouquet) you value it more than when somebody gives it to you.
Oct. 4th, 2004 11:40 am (UTC)
Oct. 8th, 2004 08:43 pm (UTC)
It's when she says, "Why haven't you brought me flowers?" is when you are in trouble.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )