January 23rd, 2007

great wave

I'm a Holy Man Without the Holiness

I worried aloud to a co-worker that my signature is too large and that it indicates arrogance. "Lots of loops in a signature indicate insecurity," he said. I examined my signature. Loops! At least two of them! I'm so paranoid now that people will think I'm insecure! I must reduce these loops! I must mask my insecurity and feign supreme confidence, even if it leads to war with Iran. Someone else remarked that my signature looks manish and sloppy. Now I'm a sloppy, insecure, transgendered person! I will stick my finger into a light socket at once! Not because of the transgenderism mind you, but on account of the insecurity and the sloppiness.

I'm currently boycotting American writers thanks to the Toxic DeLillo Event. I'm reading A Passage to India by E.M. Forster. But British writers drive me nuts, too. I do so despise them, but I shan't turn back now, for I am quite hard-bitten.

TV on the Radio is shit. Not, the shit, just shit, as in excrement, vile, vile excrement. "Return to Cookie Mountain" my buttocks! Return to me my goddamn money so I can buy some cookies and go to the mountains! What, did some hipster asshole hype it up in a review and everybody just went along with it? I truly do not understand. This hipster asshole must be located and beaten severely about the scrotal pouch.

I retreat now, back to my literary purdah.