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I seriously wonder WTF God was thinking when he decided, "Okay, let's design the female body so that her ability to conceive a child begins anywhere from the age of 9 to 14 when they are waaaaaayy too emotionally immature to handle the responsibility of parenthood. And let's make conception solely dependent on the male orgasm, rather than the female orgasm, yes let's make it so that only the man's pleasure brings about the possibility of a baby. Yeah, women don't need to orgasm, takes 'em too long, plus I kind-of messed on the penis, made it a bit too trigger happy so we're going have to do it this way. And let's make men horny as fuck starting from, I don't know Junior High til death? But don't let me catch them spilling their seed! Nope, that's gonna be a sin. Right Son, right Holy Ghost? Alright, let's get this hell on earth started!"

Butterflies, genocide, wildflowers, forced prostitution, rainbows, the smell of burning flesh, shooting stars, gas chambers, sunsets, birth defects, a spring rain, sexual predators, puppies! dead puppies, kitties! dead kitties....this is where we live.

Maybe I'm going to hell. Maybe I'm already in it. Maybe every child born is a soul returning to earth from hell and going through the crucifixion of this life in order to be transformed. Believe me, I having been racking my brain for decades trying to come up with a positive spin on this life in order to console myself and see something good in this world.

I've been having such a miserable time here. I swear to God I try to stay positive.

Worm >>>>>> Butterfly.

That's the best one I can come up with. We're all a bunch of worms and the cocoon of this world burns and itches, but something is happening, we're changing, into what I don't know, but just imagine what it would be like if we had wings....


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 1st, 2009 10:30 am (UTC)
Thank you for sharing so honestly and powerfully your insight and understanding. I identify with the struggle. So many mysteries, so much I do not know or understand. I think I understand the longing for wings but maybe walking straight up on earth, sometimes bowed or stooped by the questions and the burden of the day, is enough and maybe what not only is intended, but what is "best" for us humans.
Apr. 1st, 2009 01:49 pm (UTC)
I'm hoping the "bowed and stooped by the questions and the burden of the day" is just part of this oppressive cocoon and not for eternity. I am aware that we pretty much all need some humbling, and not just once, because that damn balloon of our ego keeps coming right back up and doesn't pop until we die.

Sometimes I feel like the struggle for virtue is like that game at the fair: "Bop the Mole on the Head" where there are all these mechanical moles popping in and out from their holes and you have to bop them on their heads with a soft mallet quickly, before they duck back under. You successfully bop the mole of negative thoughts on the head and it goes back under, but this forces the mole of arrogance to raise his head. So you bop that one too, and from another hole pops up anger, then resentment, then ingratitude.

This is a game I never win, and apparently it's against the law to take a chainsaw to the whole damn thing.
Apr. 1st, 2009 01:07 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to say that I really liked this post, because it seems to be an expression of anguish for you, but the candor and honesty touched me.

Srs comment, sorry. :)
Apr. 1st, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC)
Apr. 1st, 2009 03:34 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry about you feeling bad.
The questions you are asking are where I began to question the very existence of god.
Apr. 2nd, 2009 01:32 am (UTC)
I personally am unable to not believe in the existence of God.....but trying to figure out how exactly God = Love is.......torture. Somewhere buried in this rocky heart is a childlike faith that God is Love. But it's buried deeper than hell and it's been a long, long time since I've seen its light.
Apr. 1st, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)
sex, love and rock and roll
As I am want to say: "If life gives you balls make babies". Of course first one must have a willing female and I mean willing. It is a known fact that women who have orgasms during sex with their mate always have baby girls. I have three daughters. Go figure.
Apr. 1st, 2009 08:59 pm (UTC)
I'm really grateful for this post. It makes me feel a lot less lonely- it's like the past year in written form for me.

Apr. 2nd, 2009 01:13 am (UTC)
I know you're a tortured soul, too, sister. A tortured angel, more like it.
Apr. 2nd, 2009 12:10 am (UTC)
If it's any consolation, it's no fun being horny all the time. Seriously.
Apr. 2nd, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
Ha ha! Really? That's interesting. That thought had never occurred to me. Seriously.
Apr. 2nd, 2009 02:02 am (UTC)
fail owned pwned pictures
see more pwn and owned pictures

Hopefully that was a joke question.
Apr. 2nd, 2009 05:07 pm (UTC)
You had me at Josh Ritter.
Apr. 3rd, 2009 03:13 pm (UTC)
Girl, there is a lot of good to be enjoyed in this life. I personally have begun to master the art of selective ignorance in pursuit of happiness. Just remember, if you can't control it--and chances are you can't, it's not worth worrying about. Let go and let dog.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )