createdestiny (createdestiny) wrote,
createdestiny
createdestiny

Drunk Smack 'n' Smack Minus the Drunk Part

I wanna to be a vegan terrorist because I'm opposed to stuff an' stuff. I'm like an anti-anti-antivist. And a pro anti prohibitist. I wanna tattoo a bunch of vegetables on my face to show how radical I am. And not just normal vegetables like carrots and broccoli, but weird ones like Africanized elephant garlic and Chinese Monkey leeks.

I wanna pierce my third eye with a rusty railroad spike. And not get a tetanus shot just to show how hardcore I am. And then I wanna get another railroad spike and shove it up my butt and have like a chain dangling from it that comes up between my legs and attaches to my nose ring. And people will be like, "that dude is so hardcore he can hardly walk and if he sits down like a normal person he'll puncture his bowel and die."

I wanna go insane from tetanus and smash some store fronts owned by innocent Asians to draw attention to police brutality. I wanna get arrested like 173 times for civil disobedience. I wanna get all disorderly conducty and go limp bizkit when the police arrest me. I wanna eat out of dumpsters and have incurable ringworm and be like the crustiest crust punk who ever lived in this white college town. I wanna have teenage disciples who worship me and make graffiti from all my super cryptic sayings like, "Disobey the fairy shepherd hog."
Tags: humor
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  • 19 comments

  • (no subject)

    My cat is USING me for food, I just know it. Some people donate their bodies to science when they die. I want to donate mine to art. Maybe they can…

  • High-Fiber Diet of F*ck and Run-On Sentences

    So I pull into the parking lot at work this morning looking fabulous because I just got a haircut and highlights and I park my car and I'm walking…

  • Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it

    So I've been having this weird hip pain. Not hip pain as in oh my vintage beer can collection and ironic 70's t-shirts are so cool it actually…