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Drunk Smack 'n' Smack Minus the Drunk Part

I wanna to be a vegan terrorist because I'm opposed to stuff an' stuff. I'm like an anti-anti-antivist. And a pro anti prohibitist. I wanna tattoo a bunch of vegetables on my face to show how radical I am. And not just normal vegetables like carrots and broccoli, but weird ones like Africanized elephant garlic and Chinese Monkey leeks.

I wanna pierce my third eye with a rusty railroad spike. And not get a tetanus shot just to show how hardcore I am. And then I wanna get another railroad spike and shove it up my butt and have like a chain dangling from it that comes up between my legs and attaches to my nose ring. And people will be like, "that dude is so hardcore he can hardly walk and if he sits down like a normal person he'll puncture his bowel and die."

I wanna go insane from tetanus and smash some store fronts owned by innocent Asians to draw attention to police brutality. I wanna get arrested like 173 times for civil disobedience. I wanna get all disorderly conducty and go limp bizkit when the police arrest me. I wanna eat out of dumpsters and have incurable ringworm and be like the crustiest crust punk who ever lived in this white college town. I wanna have teenage disciples who worship me and make graffiti from all my super cryptic sayings like, "Disobey the fairy shepherd hog."



( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 13th, 2009 04:13 am (UTC)
Well, I might have to break up with you if you follow through on all this.
Mar. 13th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
You're too white bread for me. I can't be tied down by your non-salmonella life-style.
Mar. 13th, 2009 04:21 am (UTC)
You make me smile :)
Mar. 13th, 2009 04:19 am (UTC)

the house I just moved from was housing a FREEGAN. eating food past the expiration... he was the biggest mess I ever saw, no wonder he was always disgustingly sick. I hate my old housemates.
Mar. 13th, 2009 04:24 am (UTC)
Now I wanna be a freegan vegan terrorist.
Mar. 13th, 2009 06:02 am (UTC)
And change your name to Tegan!
Mar. 13th, 2009 12:35 pm (UTC)
You bad!
This made me have to go look up "freegan" and now I know how to stretch the household budget just a little bit further next month.

I'm going to start making my surly youth wear clothing I weave from discarded banana peels and flaccid carrot greens that I rescue from the dumpster behind WalMart.

If I find any rusty railroad spikes I'll let you know, 'k?
Mar. 14th, 2009 01:01 am (UTC)
Re: You bad!
I'm going to start making my surly youth wear clothing I weave from discarded banana peels and flaccid carrot greens that I rescue from the dumpster behind WalMart.

Ha ha, YEESSSS! I love it.
Mar. 14th, 2009 01:11 am (UTC)
Re: You bad!
And you are on quite the roll these days! Keep it comin'...
Mar. 13th, 2009 06:29 am (UTC)
When I was in college, I started writing a long-involved story about ghosts, secret agents, and a rainbow-man who lived on the moon.

My friends started to worry, and said to me, "Jesse, please stop drinking alcohol and Nyquil."

That year is very blurry to me.
Mar. 13th, 2009 12:33 pm (UTC)
microbe eaters of the world unite
You are absolutlly insane; please stay off medication and continue writing.
Mar. 14th, 2009 01:02 am (UTC)
Re: microbe eaters of the world unite
This is me ON medication.
Mar. 13th, 2009 02:26 pm (UTC)
sounds like some very worthy goals to me!
Mar. 13th, 2009 04:28 pm (UTC)
stopit, I haven't had my coffee yet ;)
Mar. 16th, 2009 05:10 am (UTC)
You make me think of when I moved to Arizona and had the idea in my head that there would be something other than the same old culture down there since it was close to the mexican border and so wouldn't there be some leakage from down south only to discover that while there was no wall there might as well have been because nothing crossed over from that other world to the american lives on the north side. i was very sad.
Mar. 17th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC)
Well, that's very disappointing. I haven't seen much of Arizona. Drove through it a few times on 10, veered south to check out Sedona for a bit.

I also love the intersection of Mexican and American culture. When I was in the Big Bend area of Texas, I loved seeing all the Mexican folk art. I don't know much about Texas, but what I saw in that area was pretty spiffy.
Mar. 17th, 2009 05:16 am (UTC)
You chose one of the most interesting towns in Arizona. Sedona is beautiful and there's a great 'ghost' town just south of there, and an amazing canyon one can drive up immediately north.

Yes, for some reason I think Texas has more crossover. Maybe simply because there's more action in general there and the Arizona border is very sleepy.
Mar. 19th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
You sound like the people I see at work every day! :^)
Mar. 24th, 2009 10:35 pm (UTC)
You forgot the part where they go to great lengths to look different, then complain when it causes them to not fit in into (positive) normal areas. "Thank you for applying for this job, but I feel that the genitals you've tattooed on your neck may be distracting for the fourth graders you'd be teaching at our school. Best of luck elsewhere."

And actually, it's Limp Bizkit. If you spell it right, they really get offended.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )