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****NEWS FLASH****

I would like to announce that ygolonac is officially my boyfriend now. Why, why, why, you may ask, would I fall for someone with a username like that? I'll list for you the reasons why:

1. He's a gifted comic with quick wits and a warped sense of humor. Perfect for stealing material from to launch my own comedy-writing career.

2. He makes $130,000 per year. Oh, I wish....he's actually on welfare. (Kidding again.) Look, all I know is he's got a JAY-OH-BEE, folks, something to do with insurance fraud and as long as he can bring home the fakin' bacon that's good enough for me.

3. He's asks me what I'm thinking about when things get quiet between us. Most guys could give a rat's ass and just try to shove your head toward their crotch.

4. We have a lot in common. We both spent a semester at Indiana University and had our stomachs pumped while we were there. Not only that but we both used to have pets named Jake. And get this, both of these Jakes are now dead. Coincidence? I think not. Let's get real, people, this is proof we were made for one another.

5. He reads. I'm talkin' books, not just labels on shampoo bottles when he's taking a crap.

6. If I mention something that I'm interested in and he doesn't know much about it, he goes and googles it. Tonight he's gonna google "How to pay off your girlfriend's student loans."

7. He's got a beard, and that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it.

8. He goes on walks through cemeteries and brings me flowers.

So, back off you skanky livejournal hoes, he's my boyfriend now!


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 23rd, 2004 10:14 pm (UTC)
Aug. 23rd, 2004 10:44 pm (UTC)
Hey! I had a boyfriend named Jake! And he was the boyfriend before the one I have now! I don't think he's dead though, but I think he still qualifies as a dog....but that's enough to qualify me as a friend, yeah?

I also knew a bird-murderer named Jake...hmm.

And I know why he walks through those cemeteries....wait, I just realized TWO reasons:

The psycho killer is burying his latest kill...and he's stealing flowers from the dead to give to you!
Aug. 24th, 2004 06:20 am (UTC)
"Psycho Killer" is our song.
Aug. 24th, 2004 12:10 am (UTC)
9. I had cancer! You have to be nice to cancer people. You can write off any money you spend on me as a charitable contribution.

10: Having spent some of my formative years in Indiana, I can understand your thick Hoosier accent. If you talk slowly, that is.

11: I have a younger sister also, so we can spend hours going over our favorite younger-sister-torturing anecdotes. Those just keep getting funnier and funnier.

12: I get up at the crack of 9:30 to bring you foofoo coffee drinks at work.

13: My little black doggie icon is the cutest icon on aaaallll of LiveJournal land.

14: We live in the same town. That's really pretty important, you know? Saves on gas and stuff. More money for flowers and foofoo drinks.
Aug. 24th, 2004 07:06 am (UTC)

Aug. 24th, 2004 08:28 am (UTC)
oh my God. What the hell is happening?
Aug. 24th, 2004 10:04 am (UTC)
Enough computers have connected to the internet. It has reached that critical mass point and achieved sentience. It has chosen BOBBY as the image it will use when communicating to us humans.

Phear the BOBBY!
Aug. 24th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC)
You mean, phear the Butt-Nugget
Aug. 24th, 2004 07:08 am (UTC)
>>13: My little black doggie icon is the cutest icon on aaaallll of LiveJournal land.<<

THAT is VERY true :)
Aug. 24th, 2004 04:21 am (UTC)
Is this why you are not answering the phone when we call? Shame on you for neglecting your mother and father.
Aug. 24th, 2004 08:30 am (UTC)
Oh, have you tried calling me lately? Try sending cash. Then I'll consider calling you back.
Aug. 24th, 2004 05:24 am (UTC)
*backs off very, very slowly with her hands in the air*

I didn't touch him. I didn't do a thing.
Aug. 24th, 2004 05:34 am (UTC)
Congrats! He sounds like quite a catch!
Aug. 24th, 2004 05:44 am (UTC)
*Karma starts singing in a high-pitched off-key voice, "Createdestiny and ygolonac, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Okay, if this is gonna work you both are gonna have to shorten your usernames. Besides, I can't even pronounce "ygolonac" without immediately having to spit up a bunch of snot.

Seriously though, I am happy for you both!
Aug. 24th, 2004 10:06 am (UTC)
Would you believe she won't let me use her real name when I'm talking to her? I have to call her 'createdestiny'. It's kind of odd, I'm thinking.

And she insists on calling me 'ygolonac' in person too.

Was she like this when she was younger?
Aug. 24th, 2004 06:09 am (UTC)
You like beards? I thought all women hated them.

Who doesn't ask what you're thinking when you're quite? Assholes, that's who.
Aug. 24th, 2004 10:26 am (UTC)

Well, good luck with that.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 24th, 2004 04:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Yeah he did run away, but that was 9 years ago so I'm pretty sure he's dead now.
Aug. 24th, 2004 11:35 pm (UTC)
What is going on?

I leave town and my Chico peeps are hookin up?
Aug. 25th, 2004 10:55 am (UTC)
"So, back off you skanky livejournal hoes, he's my boyfriend now!"

Oh, no you didn't! (snaps fingers 3 times)

Aug. 25th, 2004 03:52 pm (UTC)
Yes, she has always been like that. No,Createdestiny, we have no money: sent it all to Bobby. "Phear the Bobby"!
So, this is fun, I have never been involved with some ones budding romance before: especially if that someone is my daughter.
Ygolovac, I enjoy your sense of humor and appreciate your most obvious intellect.
(mon says I should stop there).
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )