She is the most hilarious person on the face of the planet and yet she refuses to update her livejournal on a regular basis, depriving me and millions of others of much needed comic relief.
I'll give you a few examples of why she's so funny after I bitch about her briefly.
Okay. She up and moved to Texas several years ago and had the nerve to marry some Texas guy which severely decreased her chances of ever escaping from that horrid state.
I was able to deal with that by getting my fill of her over the phone, but then she had to go off and have a BABY of all things so now when we talk she's always like, "Oh, hang on a second, Bobby's trying to eat dog food", or "Can I call you right back, Bobby's about to drink some Drano", or "I can't talk right now, Bobby just pulled a turd out of his diaper and now he's wiping it on the walls."
So now I have to share her with some little white-haired, chunky monkey, butt-nugget who poops and blows raspberries all day!
The last time I was on the phone with her I was trying to tell her about how my life is really crappy and depressing right now and she all of a sudden bursts out laughing, and I'm like, "HELLO?!? I just said I want to crawl into a hole and die and you burst out laughing?" And she's like, "Oh, sorry, Bobby just did the cutest thing, he..." [blah, blah, blah, I don't know what he did]. But then she's like, "Okay, what were you saying about wanting to die?" And I go on, "Everything sucks right now because... *and she bursts out laughing again*!!!! So I'm like, "HELLO!" And she says, "Oh, man, Bobby just tried to eat the cat, ha ha ha blah blah blah.."
So I say, "Call me back when Bobby gets his own damn apartment!!!!" CLICK!
to be continued.....