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My New Religion

I dreamt the fire crackled down the mountain. We ran up the foothills to a friend's house to carry the things he could not bear to lose. When we looked into the distance the fire rose up behind his house. Rivers of reds, violets, yellows, blues, burned brighter, then darker, breathing, luminous, vivid, pulsing with color. We froze from the beauty of it and could not turn away.

I took a book of poetry to the grocery store with me today---Louise Glück's The Seven Ages. Just in case there was a poetry emergency.

Damn you nature documentary makers! I wept and writhed in my sheets all night, tortured by images I've seen in your films years ago. And Goddamn you, makers of steel traps! May you spend one thousand years reincarnated into animals caught in the works of your hands. When the earth is made new, may you then be forgiven. And please tell me, camera men, that after you got your horrific footage, you turned off your cameras and put those poor animals out of their misery, even if it meant beating them to death with your own gear. If you packed up and walked away, may you eat the bitter bread of seven-fold suffering and when the earth is made new, may you then be forgiven.

Saints Peter and Paul had a little tiff. I don't know the details but I'm pretty sure I would have been on Peter's side. Paul could be such an asshole sometimes.

I've drunk-dialed God hundreds of times. Mostly I just hang up when I get his machine (it pisses me off when he screens his calls). Other times I rage or sob hysterically, "You said you'd have mercy! You said you'd never forsake me! Give me my fucking Miles albums back!" More times than I care to admit I've shown up at his house, undignified, at 2:00 in the morning, hurling my dirty mary janes at his window, screaming, "I know you're up there with her! Be a goddamned man, come down here and face me!" I stuff my underwear in his mailbox and leave obtuse letters written in angry lipstick and nervous-breakdown eyeliner under his windshield wiper---Patti Smith lyrics, snippets of Plath poems. After all he's put me through, I still want him. How can I forget the time I was ravished with fever, delusional and frothing at the mouth? He came to my bed and put his bloody palm in my mouth. "Eat this," he said. I woke to a soft New Mexico dawn, put on some Grateful Dead in the kitchen. Feeling forgiving, and what the hell, it's almost Christmas I baked him some pumpkin muffins, left a message on his machine, asking if we could start over again.


( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 30th, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
I may have posted this in my journal at one point in time, but this is the poem for your current poetry emergency.

"The Foxhole Manifesto" by Jeffrey McDaniel

I think the video is brilliant, but you can also get the text, here.
Jun. 30th, 2008 12:38 am (UTC)
That was pretty cool. Thanks.
Jun. 30th, 2008 03:37 am (UTC)
Wow that was some powerful-strong mojo working there. Great post. Loved the language!
Jun. 30th, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
Thank you.
Jun. 30th, 2008 07:50 am (UTC)
i love you.

got any plans for the 4th?
Jun. 30th, 2008 11:26 pm (UTC)
Sort of. We're supposed to go to an afternoon BBQ at a friend of Dirk's. He's probably looking forward to it. Me, not so much. What are you doing?
Jul. 1st, 2008 12:26 am (UTC)
Nothing... We were looking for something to do. K & C will be out of town, losers. :)

Seth said "I want to hang out with D & D more." I agreed. Thought if you guys weren't busy, we could do something fun.
Jul. 1st, 2008 12:52 am (UTC)
You can come to our bbq with us. It's basically a bunch of guys I've been hanging out with forever (and their families, those with them). If you're interested let me know, I'll email you the address and stuff.
Jul. 1st, 2008 12:52 am (UTC)
And even Baby Bodyfluid is welcome to come along. It's a kid friendly bbq.
Jun. 30th, 2008 05:47 pm (UTC)
Magnificent and chilling post. You are one hell of a writer. Dare I say brilliant ?
Jun. 30th, 2008 05:52 pm (UTC)
I love you! Nervous breakdown eyeliner. I have several shades of it myself. Keep rocking the rants, girl.
Jun. 30th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
Jun. 30th, 2008 06:12 pm (UTC)

Divine. :)
Jun. 30th, 2008 11:28 pm (UTC)
Jul. 1st, 2008 02:46 am (UTC)
very good, loved the imagery and the way it flows....
Jul. 1st, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)
wow. great passage.
Jul. 3rd, 2008 01:46 am (UTC)
this post + this post + your pictures + something you said in this thread = i'm intrigued, and therefore friending you.

hope that's okay. :)
Jul. 7th, 2008 03:43 am (UTC)
how did i miss this post? it's really excellent.

is Louise Glück any good? i've been reading amis and camus and glen duncan as of late; wouldn't hurt to add something else to the mix.
Jul. 9th, 2008 04:21 am (UTC)
So far, I haven't been swept off my feet.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )