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11. Cheerios are alive and feel pain when we eat them. That's why, when there's only a few Cheerios left in a bowl of milk, they desperately swim away from your spoon and scream for their lives.

12. When riding down an escalator, if you don't jump off right before you get to the bottom you'll get sucked down and mangled in the grates.

13. Coffee and beer are gross and I will never drink that stuff when I grow up.

14. When walking through woods or a field you must be on the lookout for king cobras and killer bees or else you will die.

15. When a person gets fired from a job, their boss sets them on fire with a blow torch.

16. Guinea pigs are what happens when a cat and a pig get married.

17. You've got to watch out for people whose eyebrows grow together because they turn into werewolves whenever there is a full moon.

18. If you get bit by a dog you'll have to get 14 shots in your stomach.

19. Whenever you litter, an Indian on a horse cries.

20. Sex is the most grossest thing EVER and I will never, ever, in a million, BAJILLION years let a boy do that to me!


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 2nd, 2004 12:32 am (UTC)
11: How very imaginative of you. Wrong though.
12: This is true. I had a cousin who knew a guy who's half-sister's boyfriend got sucked down an escalator grate.
13: Half right. Coffee is pretty nasty. Beer though...
14: Not just woods or a field. Cobras and killer bees lurk everywhere.
15: No, they aren't allowed to do that. Yet.
16: This might actually be true. I'll have to do some research. I'll need a cat and pig though to act as...
17: Wait a minute...are you saying this isn't true?
18: Only if it had rabies. Or the doctor doesn't like you.
19: True. Was true. Iron Eyed Cody died though. Now he just rolls over in his grave when you litter.
20: I'll never let a boy do that to me either.
Aug. 2nd, 2004 04:56 am (UTC)
16. My friend and roommate, who has a Masters in English and is persuing a doctorate at SUNY, recently was house-sitting for her uncle and said, "Hey, you should see this guy's gerbil..it's huge." So I followed her into the spare bedroom and had a look. "Hey, um," I said. "That's a @%#$ing guinea pig, you dumbass."

"Well I don't know anything about small rodents!" she got all huffy and offended.

"That still doesn't excuse you from being a dumbass," I said and laughed and laughed.

19. Is actually true.
Aug. 2nd, 2004 06:31 am (UTC)
Aug. 2nd, 2004 05:33 am (UTC)
LOL at the Cheerios one. Wait.... I think I hear something. *puts ear close to her bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios* Nevermind, they're just singing Britney Spears' greatest hits so they deserve to die. *GULP, GULP, GULP*

Aug. 2nd, 2004 06:30 am (UTC)
No Cheerio deserves to die....well, okay, maybe some do.

Aug. 2nd, 2004 08:07 am (UTC)
You forgot "Stuffed animals can feel love...and jealousy."
Aug. 2nd, 2004 09:26 am (UTC)
You're a funny girl.
Aug. 2nd, 2004 10:45 am (UTC)
Those poor Cheerios...
LOL These are too funny. :)
Aug. 2nd, 2004 04:45 pm (UTC)
We always knew you were a strange child, but I had no idea just how strange. By the way I'm steeling all of your material.
Aug. 2nd, 2004 04:53 pm (UTC)
He meant stealing, the idiot.

Aug. 2nd, 2004 07:16 pm (UTC)
Actually, a Sicilian actor hired to play an indian cries whenever we litter. "Iron Eyes Cody" was a complete fabrication.

I cannot believe you forgot that you were supposed to hold your breath when passing a graveyard. Because it was rude to breathe in front of those who couldn't. *nods

Aug. 2nd, 2004 08:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nineteen.
Yay! You're back! I missed ya, toe!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )