Time For More Funny Quotes From the Mister

ME: "I need more water."
BF: "More water!?! This stuff doesn't grow on trees, you know."

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calls me at work

ME: "Hello?"
BF: "I told your cat to pack her bags."
ME: "Why?"
BF: "Because she's a lay-about."

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as we're driving past an Adopt-a-Highway sign that says "Dads Against Meth."

BF: "Yeah, well the other side of the highway was adopted by 'Dads On Meth' and it's a lot cleaner."

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BF: "Did your cat come back?"
ME: "Yes."
BF: "Was she covered with burrs and raccoon semen?"