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The Tyranny of the Ego

It's difficult to watch a good friend get sucked into a hellish underworld of rage and resentment against her soon-to-be ex-husband, who is also a good friend of mine.

It's especially difficult because I know what it's like to be in such a state--- being constantly agitated and obsessed with getting revenge against a person who has wronged you, continually breathing forth bitterness and resentment.

I once blamed an ex-boyfriend for "destroying my soul." I spent two hellish years enslaved to angry and bitter thoughts. I was completely miserable. The pain and suffering caused by taking this path of anger and resentment eventually left me no choice but to remain in hell or forgive him.

My ego raged against the idea of forgiving him. My ego would rather see me burn in this hellish state rather than forgive anyone for wronging me. How I wanted him to suffer! My friends, family and co-workers found it difficult to be around me because I was such a black hole of hate. My cat even ran away and was never found!

I guess I utterly collapsed. I begged God to help me forgive.

In time, this prayer was mystically answered and I began to know peace. As difficult as it is, I desperately try to avoid the path of anger and resentment, only because this path once burned me badly and gave me no peace.

I love my friend and always will but I'm finding it too difficult to bear the burden of her spiritual darkness right now.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 8th, 2004 12:27 pm (UTC)
you can't bear her burden. everybody has to learn the lesson of hate---we cannot learn it for anyone else.

Jul. 8th, 2004 12:44 pm (UTC)
that burden was never yours to bear. The only thing that was ever asked of you was a shoulder to cry on, and a kind word. I see that those things were something you cannot, or will not offer.
And I'm sorry if not allowing myself to be pulled along like a puppet on a string, by him is upsetting to you.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )