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I'm a Holy Man Without the Holiness

I worried aloud to a co-worker that my signature is too large and that it indicates arrogance. "Lots of loops in a signature indicate insecurity," he said. I examined my signature. Loops! At least two of them! I'm so paranoid now that people will think I'm insecure! I must reduce these loops! I must mask my insecurity and feign supreme confidence, even if it leads to war with Iran. Someone else remarked that my signature looks manish and sloppy. Now I'm a sloppy, insecure, transgendered person! I will stick my finger into a light socket at once! Not because of the transgenderism mind you, but on account of the insecurity and the sloppiness.

I'm currently boycotting American writers thanks to the Toxic DeLillo Event. I'm reading A Passage to India by E.M. Forster. But British writers drive me nuts, too. I do so despise them, but I shan't turn back now, for I am quite hard-bitten.

TV on the Radio is shit. Not, the shit, just shit, as in excrement, vile, vile excrement. "Return to Cookie Mountain" my buttocks! Return to me my goddamn money so I can buy some cookies and go to the mountains! What, did some hipster asshole hype it up in a review and everybody just went along with it? I truly do not understand. This hipster asshole must be located and beaten severely about the scrotal pouch.

I retreat now, back to my literary purdah.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 24th, 2007 01:02 pm (UTC)
All American authors?
Jan. 24th, 2007 02:28 pm (UTC)
Just temporarily. It probably won't last past this current book.
Jan. 24th, 2007 03:57 pm (UTC)
Have you read the Adventures of Kavalier & Clay? That was a nice piece of steak in a land of burgers & fries.
Jan. 25th, 2007 12:56 am (UTC)
I haven't heard of this book. Thanks for the tip!
Jan. 24th, 2007 06:27 pm (UTC)
Holy shit, I think we may have the same sloppily loopish and manly signature.

All I wanted was "not girlie." And there must be some worth in not using smiley face circles to dot the "i" with, right?
Jan. 25th, 2007 12:57 am (UTC)
There is immense worth in not using smiley faces with circles to dot your "i"s.
Jan. 25th, 2007 05:37 pm (UTC)
Man, how I miss you.
and by 'man'I dont mean you-haha.
I mean 'man' to add some emphesis to just how much I truely do miss you!
Jan. 26th, 2007 04:04 am (UTC)
I miss you too, chick-a-dee. Hope you're still writing!
Jan. 25th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
The signature thing amuses me. :) I must be insecure because I have a loop in my sig. ;)
Jan. 26th, 2007 04:05 am (UTC)
Yeah, but do you know how many loops Buddha had in his signature? Lots!
Jan. 26th, 2007 04:25 am (UTC)
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )