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I was recently in a pet supply store shopping for cat butt wipes when I saw your display of Greenie Non-Edible Dental Chews. I was particularly intrigued by the promise of "a burst of melon flavor for your pet." I decided to purchase this product for my boyfriend's dog in order to assuage my guilty conscience for recently mocking his dog and singing accusatory songs that contained the words "Pukey Mc Fart-Fart."

Before giving this non-edible dental chew to the dog I decided that I would first chew on it a bit myself as I was curious about the power of the alledged "burst of melon flavor".

I was shocked to discover that there is absolutely no melon flavor whatsoever involved in the taste of this product! I chewed on your product for several minutes, anxiously awaiting the promised "burst of melon flavor." Even a hint of melon flavor would have appeased me. I tasted nothing but rubber! Later, when my boyfriend kissed me he said my tongue tasted like rubber! Do you understand me?!? Not melon! Rubber!

Shame on you for deceiving the buyers of this product! You thought you could get away with it because dogs can't read or talk! You figured that any person crazy enough to actually taste your product for themselves would be too embarrassed to admit it! Well you were wrong-oh! You hear that!?! WRONG-OH!

I can just imagine your snvieling, whining, little nerd-like response, in a voice like that of the Professor on The Simpsons, "Bee-zoinky! This is because dogs have a different way of discerning flavors as their taste buds are more sensitive than those of humans...blah-zee, blee-zel-dee, blah."

What EVER! You lied about the burst of melon flavor and I shall never again buy any of your products.

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Comments

( 28 comments — Leave a comment )
langatmig
Apr. 21st, 2005 05:26 pm (UTC)
Haha this made my day. ;)
artfuldodger
Apr. 21st, 2005 05:30 pm (UTC)
I think you should start a huge war against them. Try to get some media attention with this, because seriously, it needs it. Imagine, you could start a website, get people to sign petitions for true advertising, get your local Tv network to do a blurb which will gain mega media attention, nd soon there will be a Yahoo story about it and...and...and

heehee. Why not?
createdestiny
Apr. 21st, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
That's a good idea. I would if I had the time and energy. I am, however, really going to send them this letter exactly as written!
ignorantleafy
Apr. 21st, 2005 08:58 pm (UTC)
You are awesome.
createdestiny
Apr. 21st, 2005 09:42 pm (UTC)
Ah, Leafy, me love you long time!
nameleswanderer
Apr. 22nd, 2005 05:11 am (UTC)
Dear Consumer,

Thank you for your comments about our product. We believe in accepting feedback from customers. To show our gratitude for your time and opinion we are enclosing a 10 cents off coupon on your next purchase.

Sincerely,

S&M NuTec, LLC
halieknife
Apr. 22nd, 2005 07:39 am (UTC)
Those dirty bastards. If dogs could talk, they would thank you for exposing these charlatans for the melon flavor peddling shams that they are.

This made me think of something I witnessed at a friends house several years ago. Apparently she had purchased some dog buscuits and put them in a clear, unmarked tupperware container. One day we entered her house to find her husband enjoying them with a glass of milk.

"what the hell are you doing," she asked, disgusted.
He looked a bit guilty and promised he wasn't ruining his dinner, adding that these cookies were too yummy to resist.

When she told him they were dog biscuits he looked at the plate in front of him and said, "well, they're good" before dipping the next one in milk and eating it in one bite.
ygolonac
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:02 am (UTC)
What brand where these yummy dog biscuits?

I am intrigued.
halieknife
Apr. 23rd, 2005 12:13 am (UTC)
I think they might have been Chauncy dog biscuits just because they looked almost muffin like, but I'm not sure.
createdestiny
Apr. 22nd, 2005 12:44 pm (UTC)
Oh man. How funny.

There's some peanut-butter banana dog biscuits at the local organic food store that I'm a litte tempted by. I think I just want a bone-shaped cookie.
halieknife
Apr. 23rd, 2005 12:11 am (UTC)
Peanut butter banana does sound rather good. Bone shaped or not. :)
dietcokehed
Apr. 23rd, 2005 04:55 am (UTC)
I can make you some bone-shaped cookies, I have a cookie cutter :)
dietcokehed
Apr. 23rd, 2005 04:56 am (UTC)
Hey man, I've seen dog cookies that look real, so I don't blame him! They even have creame filled sandwich-type cookies!
ygolonac
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:11 am (UTC)
What you failed to realize is that, much like a Tootsie Roll Pop, the melon flavor burst in this product is at the center. The dog must first chew to the middle of the Non-Edible Dental Chew before it (the dog) will be rewarded with the burst of melon flavor.
createdestiny
Apr. 22nd, 2005 12:37 pm (UTC)
HOW MUCH ARE THEY PAYING YOU!
faerieariel
Apr. 22nd, 2005 03:04 pm (UTC)
This story is awesome. I want to bring you to my house for parties.
kandie_kat
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:01 pm (UTC)
That be some funny shit, man...
kandie_kat
Apr. 22nd, 2005 09:01 pm (UTC)
Can I say 'shit' in here?
createdestiny
Apr. 22nd, 2005 10:43 pm (UTC)
Yes you can.
dietcokehed
Apr. 23rd, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
I don't think you're weird for tasting a dog treat. I've done the same :) And I've also found that "non-edible" isn't always true...Doobie chewed through an "indestructible chicken flavored" bone in a few hours. Now, I didn't taste it to see if it was chicken flavored, because I'm a vegetarian, and I have been for so long, I don't remember what chicken tastes like!

Jen ate dog buscuits when we were thirteen...she was REALLY wasted. Those and chocolate frosting made her "puke brown" which she proudly told everyone before passing out. Sorry man, I had to tell it :)
bug_311
Apr. 25th, 2005 05:35 am (UTC)
Damn you all! We had people over on Friday and of course, Angie had to bring up the drunken 311 show, in which I was naked in the parking lot. Yeah, yeah yeah... I've done stupid stuff while being drunk. You people need new stories!!!!!!! >:O
dietcokehed
Apr. 25th, 2005 05:57 am (UTC)
Bring it on, girlfriend! :)
al_aaraaf
Apr. 25th, 2005 09:12 pm (UTC)
as a customer service representative at little rock's finest Boarding Kennel and Doggie Daycare provider, I can assure you that greenies are bought religiously by many satisfied pet owners, and we frequently have to deal with dogs shop lifting our greenies! We have them on a knee-level counter, and at least once a day somebody will stick their nose in the dispenser and attempt to steal a few. I've never tried greenies myself, and I was under the impression they were edible...but whatever. the peanut butter goobers are actually pretty good, like slightly stale shortbread. but if anybody asks, no, I don't eat dog treats on a regular basis..<_< woof.
createdestiny
Apr. 25th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
Funny.

Yeah, the Greenie people also make non-edible chew bone type things. We give our dog an edible greenie just about every day. I don't know if we are going to continue that practice once we run out of them.....I might get over my grudge against the Greenie makers and just not buy the non-edible ones. I don't know...
al_aaraaf
Apr. 25th, 2005 09:50 pm (UTC)
lol
ex_squashy880
Apr. 27th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC)
Cat butt wipes? I seriously didn't know there was such a thing. Heheheheh. I'm just imagining Dribbler's reaction as i lift his tail, and... No. He'd never let me.
createdestiny
Apr. 27th, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC)
There's not really. They have cat wipes that aren't specifically designed to be used exclusively on the butt, but that's what I used them for.
ex_squashy880
Apr. 27th, 2005 03:58 pm (UTC)
Aha. I do see the point of that. Sometimes Dribs smells of arse (usually when we have guests)... stupid cat.
( 28 comments — Leave a comment )