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Cat Butt

I learned a lot this week. I learned that it's best not to have wet hands when scraping lint from the dryer's lint catcher. The lint will stick to your hands like stink on stink. Sure, you can always wipe your hands on the dog, but is this what Jesus would do? IS IT?!?! No, it is not. He would just go about his business with clobs of dryer lint stuck to his hands and the Jews would talk smack about him behind his back, saying, "Surely, this man is a whack-job freak-a-zoid robot and not the true Messiah." [Matt. 15:2] May God forgive us all.

I also learned that cats and dogs have anal glands. And sometimes these glands can become impacted. Can you say "impacted anal glands?" I knew that you could.

For several years the members of R.E.M. have wanted to name one of their albums, Cat Butt.

Again and again I begged the boyfriend to smell the cat's butt, but he refused. "It smells like poop!" I exclaimed. This situation forced me to go into a pet store where I stood boldly in the center aisle with my hands parked on my ample hips and without shame I shouted: "Do you guys have cat butt wipes?"

The answer was, "Um, sort-of."

And that's good enough for me. The cat, however, is on his own.

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Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
langatmig
Apr. 15th, 2005 10:07 pm (UTC)
This entry has the distinction of being probably one of the most amusing I've ever read. Yesss! ;)
createdestiny
Apr. 15th, 2005 10:43 pm (UTC)
Ah, shucks. Probably not Sun Magazine material though.
langatmig
Apr. 15th, 2005 11:22 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's probably not dark, dreary, or cynical enough...
thedeepgreensea
Apr. 15th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
Maybe the cat has an impacted anal gland...that happens to dogs and makes them smell like shit.
createdestiny
Apr. 15th, 2005 10:42 pm (UTC)
Yeah, that's what it was. (Gag!)
the_mongrel
Apr. 15th, 2005 11:20 pm (UTC)
heheh I remember there used to be a band called CAT BUTT from Seattle.
createdestiny
Apr. 15th, 2005 11:41 pm (UTC)
Oh how funny! Were they any good?
artfuldodger
Apr. 15th, 2005 11:21 pm (UTC)
*snork* Reading this made me laugh. :P
killbillydeluxe
Apr. 15th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)
I had a cat once wit chronic impacted glands.I had to regularly clear them, not a nice thing to so.

But he was the sweetest cat ever otherwise.
createdestiny
Apr. 15th, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC)
Same situation here. What is it with sweet cats and their butt glands?!?!
bug_311
Apr. 16th, 2005 12:42 am (UTC)
I just shot an ice cube out of my mouth! It slipped across my key board and shot out behind my desk.

Funny stuff.... funny funny funny....

createdestiny
Apr. 16th, 2005 12:59 am (UTC)
Thank God you didn't choke!
just_jenn
Apr. 16th, 2005 12:58 am (UTC)
HILARIOUS!!!! Oh this is too good.

Cat butt wipes. That is just the sort of talk that gets me all giddy inside!
ygolonac
Apr. 16th, 2005 08:28 am (UTC)
I think I am in the right when I refuse to sniff the cat's butt. I will take your word that the cat's ass does, in fact, smell like poop.

createdestiny
Apr. 18th, 2005 05:31 pm (UTC)
I just really enjoyed saying, "Smell his butt! It smells like POOP!"
karmajones
Apr. 18th, 2005 12:58 pm (UTC)
You should train the Dog to clean the cat's ass for him. Aimee's cat is so fat it can't quite reach it's ass to clean it and Aimee's dogs practically fight over the joy of licking his ass for him.

More proof that cat's are really aliens from another galaxy and they have the power of mind control. Don't believe me? Then why else do they stare at invisible things with such intensity?!? It's because they are communicating telepathically with their mother-ship.

Yep.
createdestiny
Apr. 18th, 2005 02:53 pm (UTC)
Ah, you're killing me.
faithfan
May. 3rd, 2005 07:06 am (UTC)
This was the best thing I've read all day
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )