?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Top Ten Most Psycho Things I've Ever Done

Ten
Stuck a butcher knife up my sister's doll's butt and poured Taco sauce all around it to make it look like blood (we were out of catsup). I did this to teach her that dolls are stupid. She never learned. Now she's stuck with a kid and another one's on the way.

Nine
Ate some Meow-Mix cat food and pretended like I was possessed by the devil in order to impress a boy I had a crush on. Apparently seven year-old boys don't go for this (or do they?). Instead I became known as the weird girl down the street who ate cat food. I still think this might be a good way to pick up guys.

Eight
Shoved a black, plastic spider into a jar of Miracle Whip and put it back on the grocery store shelf. I was in the fifth grade or something. It was before jars had tamper-evident seals. I've always wondered who ended up with that jar of Miracle Whip and what happened when they scooped out that fake spider.

Seven
Performed several unethical "experiments" on my dog when I was a kid, including but not limited to holding him down and squirting lemon juice in his mouth to see what would happen. The results were inconclusive. Rest in Peace, J.D. (+1989).

Six
Drew a smiley face on a Maxi-pad with some red food coloring and attached two (unused) tampons to the top of the pad to serve as ears. Stuck the Maxi-pad to my sister's boyfriend's car's windshield to let him know that I was serious when I said, "All my sister's new boyfriends must buy me a pizza or suffer the consequences."

Five
Smashed a framed picture of myself on the kitchen wall because my sister ate the last frozen burrito.

Four
Threw a rock through a boyfriend's bedroom window because he had some other chick up there. I later learned that I missed her head by a mere four inches.

Three
Flung a stapler at a co-worker's head because I asked him several times to please stop pointing a laser light at me and he wouldn't. He ducked just in time and the stapler smashed into a file cabinet right behind him. Cost of the stapler: $4.99. The look on his face: priceless.

Two
Somehow became convinced that my bi-polar neighbor had given crack to my cat so I threw a bunch of holy water on the cat to calm him down. Yes, this is the same cat who ran away a couple of months ago but I'm sure the two incidents are unrelated, so shut-up, okay?

The Number One Most Psycho Thing I've Ever Done
Trashed an ex-boyfriend's house by writing "POSER" all over his walls with a permanent black marker. Oh, and I peed on his floor. Relax people, he deserved it. Plus I'm on medication now.

Tags:

Comments

( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
halieknife
Feb. 23rd, 2005 04:39 am (UTC)
Hey Baby, is that meow mix on your breath?

That would have been infinitely funnier if I were a boy. Also, sometimes I really wanna throw staplers at my coworkers. These made me giggle very much. Thank you.
createdestiny
Feb. 23rd, 2005 05:03 am (UTC)
Yeah, well, they have staple guns now, you know.
Carlos Stev
Dec. 22nd, 2014 01:22 pm (UTC)
Кредит предлагаем по очень низким процентная ставка 2%
Здравствуйте,

Вам нужен кредит? Мы предлагаем все виды кредитов, вы должны оплатить долги или оплатить счета? Вам нужен дом или авто в кредит? Вам нужен бизнес-кредит? мы предлагаем кредиты для обеих частных лиц, компаний и сотрудничать органы, свяжитесь с нами по электронной почте: для получения дополнительной информации .. carlos0stev@gmail.com Благодаря

Карлос Stev
matmat
Feb. 23rd, 2005 04:40 am (UTC)
I once got myself barred from entering the Vatacin.

And have had run ins with the Mexican Army in the Mexican jungle.

Not really psycho though...
punkers23
Feb. 23rd, 2005 04:46 am (UTC)
8 is my favorite.
createdestiny
Feb. 23rd, 2005 05:02 am (UTC)
What are you doing reading livejournal!??! You should be praying for me!
punkers23
Feb. 23rd, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)
What is this thing you call "praying"?
scarletdog
Feb. 23rd, 2005 06:48 am (UTC)
I'm sure glad you weren't my sister....

you made me spit tea on my key board....
truejabber
Feb. 23rd, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)
Have I mentioned that I love you? No, really, 'tis true!
ygolonac
Feb. 23rd, 2005 05:41 pm (UTC)
Bad, bad girlfriend! I'm not leaving you alone with my dog ever again.

I went to this website today and this weeks 'comic' made me think of your dog experiments.

createdestiny
Feb. 23rd, 2005 06:48 pm (UTC)
What!?!! I never killed any animals with my experiments! This comic is going too far....
lcurtis
Feb. 23rd, 2005 07:45 pm (UTC)
What strange and wonderous world have I entered?

I have long admired your wit and am completely impressed with your writing ability. Now, where others will, I'm sure, laugh, guffaw, giggle or spit tea out on their key board when reading your stuff; what they don't know is what they are reading is not a work of fiction. Alas, fellow readers, all is true. Good luck Dirk may the gods of Turok watch over you.
Thanks Doro it is one of your best. Is it ok for me to forward it to Chuck?
PS catsup is not, to my knowledge, spelled ketsup :>)
createdestiny
Feb. 23rd, 2005 08:35 pm (UTC)
Finally, I write something that you think is Chuck-worthy! Of course you may forward it to him.

Yeah, I think I'll change the ketsup spelling....

Thanks!
bug_311
Feb. 24th, 2005 02:25 am (UTC)
Dude, you made my entire week. :) Thanks. :)
createdestiny
Feb. 24th, 2005 02:26 am (UTC)
Sweet!
nameleswanderer
Feb. 24th, 2005 02:56 am (UTC)
I see a pattern here.

Little sisters never learn.
Boys never learn.
People who eat Miracle Whip never learn.
Pets don't learn, at least mine never did.
Boys never learn.
Little sisters never learn.
Boys never learn.
Co-workers never learn.
Pets don't learn, at least mine never did.
Boys never learn.

All of these seem to deal with others who refuse to or can't learn, especially boys.

When was the last time someone bought you a pizza?
ygolonac
Feb. 24th, 2005 04:39 am (UTC)
I just bought her a Celestino's Pepperoni pizza (her favorite) this weekend.

Ok, she paid for the pizza but that was because I forgot my wallet.

I did fill up her gas tank though.
Carlos Stev
Dec. 22nd, 2014 01:21 pm (UTC)
Кредит предлагаем по очень низким процентная ставка 2%
Здравствуйте,

Вам нужен кредит? Мы предлагаем все виды кредитов, вы должны оплатить долги или оплатить счета? Вам нужен дом или авто в кредит? Вам нужен бизнес-кредит? мы предлагаем кредиты для обеих частных лиц, компаний и сотрудничать органы, свяжитесь с нами по электронной почте: для получения дополнительной информации .. carlos0stev@gmail.com Благодаря

Карлос Stev
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )